One of the many human traditions that is over-hyped in our communities today is achieving the marriage status. There are two main reasons for this according to my experience. One, it’s a subtle way of controlling the couple involved and two, it’s a source of money or material gain by those controlling the process.
Marriage “approval process” has been institutionalized by both the community and by the government as a payable service.
The losers here are the young or the mature people who want to get married without these hurdles. Unless they learn the truth, they are caught up in these unnecessary cycle of warped human traditions.
Someone shared with me about a pastor’s son who could not go to his father’s church because he had started living with a young woman he loved before going through the usual church tradition of getting married. His dad was furious. They were branded as sexually immoral and you or I may agree and say yes, they sinned. The couple also believed that they have sinned because they defied their religious parents! Surprisingly, a close look at the scripture exonerates them. How? Follow my interesting narrative below.
I am familiar with similar stories but this story was disturbing. I could not imagine that even the pastor out of ignorance and doing things to please humans, had put a heavy burden on his own son. The son had chosen a wife and consummated the marriage but didn’t know that because he was being judged by an ignorant mob led by his own father! This people were saying in their hearts “we didn’t approve” as if it was their duty to do that! The whole saga made this poor couple live like fugitives in their own community. It’s shocking!
Jesus says in John 8:32 …”Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” NIV
In Matthew 11:30 He said “For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” NIV
Humans who want to marry are frustrated by the the heavy burdens put on their shoulder to complicate and confuse the simple act of getting married!
Marriage is not made holy by a ceremony or by the priest officiating it, but by the couple for being faithful and committed to each other!
Marriage is supposed to be simple. A woman and a man coming together and committing to each other. It doesn’t need a priest or a bishop to officiate. Get me well, I don’t mean that marriage is not a serious thing, no, it’s as serious as birth and death. The commitment is big and needs divine guidance but the act is simple.
The commitment moment can be between the two persons involved or it could be done according to what the immediate cultural environment dictates. Remember that this is optional and has no spiritual value.
What is important is the fact that you should have your own wife or husband. 1 Corinthians 7:2. …each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband (ESV). Meaning that there are no third parties allowed in the union, just the two of you till death!
So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Mathew 19:6 NIV
The following myths are disturbing and need spiritual courage for a couple to do it the simple way!
1. A priest is needed to perform a marriage ceremony. This is not supported by the scriptures. You can have a priest to pray for you but the commitment and the vows are between the two of you. Some churches require these services to be paid. It’s then business not biblical!
2. There must be a wedding ceremony. This is another deception.
3. You need to follow the traditions of your people. We are all humans traditions were created by man to control others. Things like gifts and dowry are for monetary gain! You can use traditional ceremony for public commitment but this is completely irrelevant and a waste of time!
Marriage is consummated in the spiritual world by two bodies becoming one flesh by a simple act of having sex after a commitment to each other.
We find the clue in the following scripture.
1 Corinthians 6:16 (NIV) Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.”
The spiritual act of marriage is quoted exactly the same way in several scriptures. Ephesians 5:31 , Genesis 2:24, Mathew 19:5
… a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh…
The very reason sexual immorality is common among the young is because marriage has been made as a high bar to achieve. So they sleep with the easiest person near them!
1 Corinthians 7:2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. NIV
If marriage was left as easy as it is biblically then it will be easy to get your own wife and husband. Otherwise to get a wife or husband, the preparation is mind boggling. The number of people you need to involve is unbelievable. The pastors, the Community, relatives, friends and enemies want to have a say in it. All for the purposes of control. It sounds ridiculous if you think about it.
It’s also laughable that you ought to get community consent from persons who are themselves fornicators or sexually immoral! The bible is clear that the act of sexual immorality or fornication is a curse to your own body .
1 Corinthians 6:18(NIV) Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.
Lets not complicate the act of marriage and make it difficult to marry. If you wish to get married, go ahead and do it, commit to each other before God. It could be in your house, in church, on the road side, in a restaurant or anywhere you are!
1 Corinthians 7:9(NIV) …for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
Let’s now look at some details of why we marry. Marriage is a personal choice that need to be respected.
The following may not be a reason to marry.
- Marriage is not a substitute for deliverance in the area of sexual immorality 1 Cor 7: 1-16. Please read verse 17 clearly. Get delivered from sexual sin if you are burning with passion for sex because it will not go away after getting married. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
- Marriage is not a substitute for God’s love and for that matter joy , Nehemiah 8:10
- Marriage is not a way to bring an unbeliever to God . It may not work when you try to be a missionary by marrying an unbeliever . 2 Corinthians 6:14
- Marriage is not another trophy or attainment in life or a show casing forum but a God’s team with a mission. Gen 1:27
- A wife or husband is not from man, but from God who understands the heart of men Genesis 2:18
- Marriage is not a man’s idea. It’s God’s . You should not entertain pressure from other people to marry, Proverbs 18:22
- To marry is not a duty or an obligation but an addition to your purpose in life,Proverbs 18:22. Marriage may come to you as a duty or an obligation from your social environment
- You don’t marry so that you can gain faithfulness. Faithfulness is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. Galatians 5:22-23
- You don’t marry for riches. The package may bind your soul to evil.
- You don’t marry so that you can get a source of love. You need to draw your love from God. If you do that in marriage it’s not enough and obviously leads to idolatry (worshipping your spouse) and can be a source of many sorrows . Remember that your spouse is not your God and is a fallen human just like you. No wonder there so many broken hearts in our world today all bruised in action in pursuit of love. John 4:4-26 gives us a story of a woman who had gone to draw water from Jacob’s well. She had been through several marriages seeking affection and love but never got it. Jesus tried as much as possible to explain how she can draw love and affection from a well that doesn’t dry up. Just like any one of us, she was not getting it, instead she suddenly became religious! She started telling Jesus about some useless believe of how her ancestors worshipped God in the mountains!
The scriptural idea of marriage.
- Marriage is God’s idea , Genesis 2:18. By His special grace some believers may never marry 1 Corinthians 7:8
- Marriage unites two people into one flesh, Mark 10:8
- Marriage is a servant-hood to each other, Genesis 2:18, 1 Corinthians 7: 1- 6
- Finding a wife or a husband is God’s duty not yours , your friends’ or your parents’. Proverbs 19:14
- Marriage is leaving and cleaving to your spouse, extended family is not part of it. Ephesians 5:31
- Marriage is the most sacred relationship and should not be defiled by a sexual sin. Hebrews 13:4
- Marriage is an institution where continuation of God’s creation of human bodies on earth is possible (Some people can’t get kids and that’s OK, you didn’t create your body nor yourself). Genesis 1:28
- Marriage is supposed to be a happy union between people who are on mutual agreement on matters of faith , Ecclesiastes 9:9, Proverbs 12:4
- To marry or not to marry are both a blessing and a gift, so don’t be pressured to marry. 1 Corinthians 7: 7
- In marriage, our goal is to give love and affection other than to get love and affection from our spouses . Our spouses respond by submitting to our love. If we have a perennial loneliness within our hearts, we can’t offer love to anyone including our spouses. During any state of loneliness, it’s unwise to look for a relationship if you are single. If you are married you may easily fall into an affair without a second thought because something deep inside you blames your spouse for the loneliness. So the best thing to do is to go to God and let God fill you with His love . Sometimes loneliness is a sign that you need to repent some hidden stubbornness and be reconciled with God. Ephesians 5:19-21, Song of Solomon 4:10, 7:10
Dangers of a Marriage that is not God’s will and it’s outside the general biblical guide on marriages
God’s will include; if to marry or not, who to marry and when to marry the person
- Suffering the Consequences of Disobedience. Right from Adam, Moses & Aaron, Soul, David and the whole Israel suffered for disobeying God. Disobedience is a form of rebellion and God hates rebellion. 1 Samuel 15:23-24
- Collecting Curses (from impure spirits, generational curses, un-confessed sins, willful sins, idolatry, etc). If you marry someone that God has not ordained to be your spouse, or your spouse at that period and time, you risk marrying someone who could be an unbeliever or not delivered or a vessel of satanic attacks due to curses that have not been dealt with and still flowing freely in their family lineage. These are inherited curses. Number 31:17-18 God knew that there will be a spiritual havoc if the Israeli men married women from pagan religions who had already slept with men. Sex is one of the tools the devil uses to pass demons from one person to another. Israelis were asked to spare the virgins. I have witnessed persons who didn’t have personal struggles with sins start doing so and continue doing so unable to stop after a brief sexual relationship with someone. They get a permanent resident, like a spirit of sexual lust, a disease causing spirit that kills the body immunity and even mental illnesses. Impure spirits are passed on in an intimate relationship. One can easily stop the works of the flesh but evils spirits living in us can’t be stopped unless they are cast out.
- Losing Your Calling. I have seen godly men and women go back to heathen lifestyles, lose their calling, churches splitting, ministries crashing after a marriage. Its only God that knows the heart of the person we are are to marry. Don’t cave in to pressure, deceived by beauty or driven by evil passions. Solomon and David are good examples of persons that went astray after marrying outside of God’s will.
- Losing Your Identity. Men have also lost identity and become paper husbands with no Godly authority over their family. Men who marry women who are hosts of anti-Christ spirits like the Jezebel spirit , may find it hard to carry their God ordained spiritual authority in families and churches.The main medium of operation by this antichrist spirit is witchcraft and divination. This spirit counterfeits the Holy Spirit and discernment making the immediate spiritual environment toxic, husbands and close family members feel powerless and therefore cave in to manipulation. 1Kings 19. This spirit strips up the authority from the man and uses it for its own selfish needs. The spirit constantly bombards the man with witchcraft. These are the kind of men you see walking around with stooped shoulders. They’ve been reduced to a wet chook. Unfortunately, the nature of a male makes them a no match to witches. This I will say could be the biggest danger of marriages in in the body of Christ today. The presence and the influence of this spirit is underrated. Men who have grown up under the influence of this spirit are more likely to marry a woman hosting this spirit. They are conditioned to it and their conscious and unconscious mind take it as normal.
- Facing Daily Sorrows of Unfaithfulness. Faithfulness is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. Galatians 5:22-23. If your spouse is operating under any other spirit then you don’t expect them to be faithful to you or for that matter to anybody. The knowledge that your spouse cheats on you at will and you can’t prove it or if you can, others can’t or if all can prove it you can’t lift a finger because you are under a form of manipulation, gives a hollow feeling of hopelessness. Witchcraft could be a simple act of manipulation of someone’s else will or use of occult to confuse people and stop them from reasoning (It works best against persons that don’t believe in it). When Paul in Galatians 3:1 said, “You foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you?” he was serious about the bewitching part and it was not a joke. It happens today to whole congregations , family units or even nations operating under a cloud of deception Acts 8: 9Now for some time a man named Simon had practiced sorcery in the city and amazed all the people of Samaria. He boasted that he was someone great, 10and all the people, both high and low, gave him their attention and exclaimed, “This man is rightly called the Great Power of God.” 11They followed him because he had amazed them for a long time with his sorcery.
- Losing your clarity in making decisions: Just like the foolish Galatians who didn’t know who bewitched them, you may end up struggling with clarity, if bombarded with manipulation and witchcraft. Sound mind comes from the Holy Spirit but if your environment does not support sincere worship of the living God, the Holy Spirit is absent and what you get is a constant confusion and spiritual attack. Lack of peace and sleep is a good example of spiritual attacks from within a person. Making wrong decisions is another. If you have a trail of wrong decision making, watch out you could be under a witchcraft attack. The Spirit of God drives out worry and gives us clarity from a sound mind. A sound mind and lack of fear brings peace and so you get to sleep. 2 timothy 1: 7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.